On the Folly of Underestimating the Merits of Gratitude

I didn't use to care much for the idea of "gratitude". I thought it was a pretty cliche concept, limited to the trite lists people make during Thanksgiving and well-intended Sunday school lessons. So many other virtues seemed so much more powerful and important. Like the virtue of charity. There's a powerful concept. The word embodies the idea of loving people in the noblest, purist way possible and is described with phrases like "never faileth", "thinketh no evil", "rejoiceth in the truth", "endureth all things", and "the pure love of Christ". Now, that's a virtue with umph. But gratitude just seemed so ... cute and nice ... but not that important.

I remember the first time I thought there might be more to gratitude. I was showing a cut of a documentary I made to a small test audience. The doc was about Gladys

Alard, a very active octogenarian Cuban refugee who fled her homeland when former college crush Fidel Castro took over. She came to the States where she now lives a vibrant life full of service and Salsa dancing. There's a part where Gladys is loading the dishwasher and says something about how grateful she is to the Lord for the dishwashers we have in this blessed country. I put that moment in there because I thought it was endearing. But one of my friends in the audience saw more. She let out a sound that said she'd heard something profound (you know the sound I'm talking about: it's that sort of a gasp mixed with a tone of inspiration and says, "I just learned something important").

After the screening, we were talking about how impressive it is that Gladys is so active at her age (as illustrated by one moment in the film when we see her busting Salsa moves that put most 20-somethings to shame as she says, "I am 82 years old but I feel like I'm about 50"). One of the points I assert in the film is that Gladys has so much life in her old age because she loves so much (remember, I was big on the virtue of charity) but my friend (the one who made the inspired gasp sound) surprised me when she said that she felt like Gladys is so active because she is so grateful.

That hit me hard. Maybe there's more to this gratitude thing.

Then, a few years later, I was working on a reality TV show called The Generations Project that followed people as they learned about their ancestors. The research for one of the episodes put me in contact with Utah's resident Japanese Buddhist priest (he's Jodo Shinshu Buddhist to be precise). I was intrigued by the fact that, according to Jodo Shinshe Buddhism, gratitude is the greatest virtue there is. They talk a lot about "living with gratitude". Every doctrinal stance I discussed with them goes back to gratitude. They believe that gratitude is the ultimate motivator that will help one to do good.

The priest explained to me that the incense in the Buddhist temple represents the good influences in one's life (such as those received from one's parents and ancestors and from Buddha himself) and that, when one leaves the temple, he or she has the scent of the incense on them still, representing how those influences stay with us. Because we're grateful for them, we do good things and thus their smell is still upon us. He explained that gratitude for life will motivate one to be good to one's parents. Gratitude for one's current possessions will make theft and coveting unappealing. Gratitude for the good things one enjoys in his or her country will inspire patriotism.

The priest further explained that Buddhism focuses on how temporary everything is. But this does not mean that things do not have value. In fact, Buddhism sees more value in things because they are so temporary. Since my dinner table will not last forever, I need to take extra care to appreciate it now. Appreciate everything about it: how well its legs hold up its top, how well it supports the weight of the food I eat, how well it elevates the food to the level at which I sit so I can eat comfortably ... you get the idea. Buddhism helped me to see that gratitude is more than a list of good things. Gratitude is seeing every good thing in the world. Gratitude is being content with life as it is. Gratitude is happiness because gratitude sees and enjoys everything good that is here right now.

My sister recently posted this link on Facebook. It is a Huff Post article by one Rachel Mary Stafford in which she talks about how her busy, task-oriented personality blinded her from seeing and enjoying all the good around her. She describes how her very whimsical daughter helped her awaken to the need to slow down and see all the beautiful things around her. Rachel Stafford doesn't use the word "gratitude" but she's describing the same concept I learned from the Buddhist priest.

Then comes the issue of expressing gratitude through prayer. About two weeks ago, I read this article by Henry Eyring, a leader of my Faith. He talks about how Jesus promised that "the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you" (John 14:26). Eyring pointed out that one way that God speaks to us is by giving us blessings so, if we want it, God is happy to send the Holy Ghost to bring to us remembrance of our blessings.

Prior to reading this, I was struggling to feel like my prayers were very sincere. I felt this was the solution I was looking for. I decided to begin every prayer with a petition to be able to remember the blessings God had given me recently. Rather than fill my prayers with trite phrases like "I thank Thee for this day", I began thanking God for really specific things like being able to have certain fun experiences with my kids, for being able to accomplish certain difficult tasks, or for specific ways He has helped me become a better person. What's most important is that I found it much easier to really feel gratitude for these things and that made my prayers so much more powerful.

I do not believe in a God who commands us to thank Him for things so He can feel good about Himself. I believe He gave the commandment to express thanks in our prayers because He knows doing so helps us be happier. Being more grateful in my prayers has helped me to be more grateful. It is easier to appreciate all the good around me. Like Gladys Alard, the Buddhist priest (I sure wish I remembered his name), and Rachel Mary Stafford, living gratefully has enabled me to really live.

And thus I feel the need to offer Gratitude an apology. I am sorry I underestimated you. You are not trite or dull. You are so much more than nice. You hold your own beside your sister virtue Charity. In fact, can we even have Charity without your special contentment that leads us to envy not and to bear, believe, hope, and endure all things? Charity is preceded by meekness and I can think of few better ways to become meek than to choose to live in awe at all God has given. Thank you, Gratitude, for your patience with me. I hope to never underestimate you again.